More Questions Than Answers
You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace,
for it is trusting in you.
Isaiah 26:3 CSB
To be held in holy mystery is to be supported or carried in a way that is difficult or impossible to understand or explain.
During one of the hardest seasons of my life, I experienced the juxtaposition of deep loss and being held in holy mystery. One of the two people who knew me best was gone. I was no longer a wife. I asked, no, I begged God for a different outcome, yet He had other plans. He could have easily given me what I asked for; after all, nothing is too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32:17). However, God used that tragic season to draw me closer, and there was no denying that my family and I were being tightly held by Him. As all that was familiar to me crumbled right before my eyes, God Himself was the super-glue holding it all together.
I became a single mom after nearly 30 years of marriage, and I still struggle to find the words to describe the devastation felt by my family and me. The end of my marriage was more than I could handle, and I could not see beyond the nose on my face. I had far more questions than answers. What was next for me? My girls? Could I keep my home until my youngest daughter graduated? Would I have to get a second job to try to make a dent in the loss of finances? What would I tell my family and community? How do I talk about this without framing it in a way that makes others feel sorry for me and keeps them from choosing sides? I didn’t want to become bitter. I still deeply wanted to reflect God’s image even in that horrible season. Lastly, Lord, what do I do with this shame and defeat that I’m carrying?
It was at that time God gave me the five P’s. I could rest assured, knowing that He had already given me His peace (John 14:27), His power (Romans 8:11), His presence (Hebrews 13:5), His protection (Psalm 91), and His provision (Psalm 34:10). God used that season to show me He had always been my Source; all I had to do was lay down my fears, uncertainties, and doubts. This was easier said than done, but necessary. So with each passing day, I made a choice to daily surrender to God all that I was carrying, and I watched Him fill all of the gaps with Himself. I know, a total mystery.
God truly gave my family and me beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). He provided a solution to every one of my fears, and the mystery of His hand of provision still keeps me in awe.
Questions for Reflection:
Where have you experienced being held in holy mystery by God?
How has it changed you?
How has it changed your view of God?