Learning to Embrace the Holy Mystery
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV
Retirement wasn’t on my radar. I was enjoying teaching, my students, and my involvement in various endeavors at school. I felt I was still on my game, and I was excited by new opportunities on the horizon for the next school year.
But as the school year moved along, things were in flux for educators, both in my district and at the state level. My school district made a generous offer to encourage experienced teachers to retire. I had planned to teach another four years, maybe more. Could I really retire? What would I do? What would my purpose be? What would my days, weeks, and months look life if they were not determined by a school calendar? What if I never worked in a “real” job again, never earned another paycheck?
The days passed with me wrapped up in life with my students. As spring approached, so did the deadline for the district’s offer. One day, amid the usual activities of the classroom, I sensed the slightest nudge from the Holy Spirit: It’s time to move on. Even so, all those questions still swirled in my mind.
I submitted my letter of intent to retire. I wish I could say that I boldly stepped out in faith, sure of what God had ahead for me. But as people began to ask me what I would do in retirement, I could only respond, “I don’t know. Volunteer maybe? We’ll see.”
In the car one day after school, my questions still unanswered but my decision made, I saw a rainbow. “God, You are still there. You have the answers I don’t,” I thought.
Looking back, I can see how God held me in holy mystery. He knew the answers to all my questions. He revealed answers and presented opportunities to me in His perfect timing. He continues to build a meaningful life for me. He has grown my faith as I have seen Him work faithfully. His grace has been abundant. He has directed my path at every turn.
In those months as I considered retirement, I learned that a lot of my identity was wrapped up in being a teacher. As I have grown and matured as a Christian, I have learned that my identity is not in a job or a paycheck, but in Christ. I am chosen, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven (Ephesians 1). I am loved by the Most High God. I have learned that God is dependable. He is Provider for all my needs and so many of my desires. He has faithfully directed my path. I am learning to embrace the holy mystery, trusting my loving God for each next step.
Questions For Reflection:
How does the truth that God knows the answers you are searching for help you press on in faith?
What do you need to believe is true about God in order to embrace being held in holy mystery?